If Only I Could Make You Mine
by lirpa-chan
Summary: Her broken heart will heal and she will forget she ever had feelings for such a foolish and sinful boy. And I will die carrying those sins which I must pay for, happy in a bittersweet way that she found a place to be content. Kyo POV. Drabble.


If Only I Could Make You Mine

If she knew the truth about everything she wouldn't say such nice things about me. She wouldn't praise me like that time she tried to make me see "the good qualities in myself." She wouldn't be able to smile that innocently sweet smile I've come to love so much. Never again would I see that sparkle in her aqua-marine eyes. There would be a hollowness about her, an emptiness she wouldn't be able to fathom. She'd wonder how someone she's come to love could betray her that way. And then, she'd be gone forever.

And I wouldn't be able to handle that.

I realize how selfish this love is and it disgusts me to no end. I really am a monster. I don't need to transform into some hideous thing to prove it. What I have done can only be the work of a demon. I have fallen in love with someone who I will never be able to reach. Not because she will never notice me; she has. I will never touch her because if I did I'd be opening Pandora's Box. I killed her mother. I killed Kyoko. I could have saved her, but I was too afraid of everyone finding out my secret. I let the car hit her and watched as her bloody and battered body was loaded into the ambulance. Nearly a year later, fate brought her daughter to me, as if to remind me of my sins. But that wasn't the end of the torment. I began to fall for her even though I knew I shouldn't. She began to like me and I couldn't push her away. Every time I tried she just dug deeper and stripped me of all my defenses. Tohru's smile is quite disarming.

When she began to become aware of her feelings towards me I knew I had to do something and still I couldn't. I tried shutting her out. I reminded myself that I'd be caged soon and would have to leave her forever eventually. Still, I longed to see her smile only for me. I longed to hold her in my arms, even if just for an instant. I daydream about it on the roof more often than not; what it would be like to feel her soft body pressed against mine, to smell her honey-scented hair as I kiss the top of her head, but most of all I daydreamed about her looking up at me and saying, "I love you" and for the first time in my life be able to rest assured that I hadn't been deceived.

But those are all mere fantasies. The happiness she envisions for herself can't be with me. I would cause her nothing but grief. Now, the pain will only be temporarily. I will be caged; she will move on to new and better things. She will meet someone who can be utterly and completely honest with her as none of us have been able to. They will be able to hold her and offer he the security of touch. They will have no association with a tainted past so there will be no need for secrets. Her broken heart will heal and she will forget she ever had feelings for such a foolish and sinful boy. And I will die carrying those sins which I must pay for, happy in a bittersweet way that she found a place to be content.

"Kyo?" I looked up from the ground to see Tohru's beautiful worried eyes on me. "What's wrong?"

"It's nothing," I replied after a moment. Her eyebrows furrowed slightly and she shifted the weight of the laundry basket in her arms. I ruffled her hair slightly before grabbing it from her arms. She started to protest, but after a moment she released it, as if realizing my eyes were solely upon her. A slight blush crept onto her face. I sighed, starting toward the house.

"Come on," I called over my shoulder. "I'm starting to get hungry."

"O-okay!" she exclaimed running to my side. I watched that dazzling smile of hers unfold across her face and tried to suppress another sigh. But I couldn't suppress the thought that came with it.

If only I could make you mine...

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Author's Note: This is pretty much an angsty drabble I originally made for a 30Kisses challenge. I wasn't satisfied with it which is the reason why I haven't published it until now. I was actually just about to delete it, but having read it again month's later it's not so bad for a small drabble… Hope you enjoyed it?

Now save an author! Review!

Eraya


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